Suffer
by cyke93
Summary: "Nathan?" Haley questioned as she stood at the doorway. She had to blink a few times to make sure that this was really him standing in front of her and not a figment of her imagination. Oneshot, NH.


Suffer

Summary: "Nathan?" Haley questioned as she stood at the doorway. She had to blink a few times to make sure that this was really him standing in front of her and not a figment of her imagination.

Note: I know I should've been working on the next chapter of Keep Bleeding but this was just something that came to me and it was in this whole angst mood I've been feeling. This was actually a little longer and had more detail to it but editing stuff out, I think makes the story work better and went along with the vision I had when I first started typing. I think, in the end, I really like how this turned out. I don't want to give anything away except that this is unlike any Naley story I've ever written and I'm pretty sure that you'll either hate it or love it, lol. I hope it's the latter. Enjoy and please review.

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"Nathan?" Haley questioned as she stood at the doorway. She had to blink a few times to make sure that this was really him standing in front of her and not a figment of her imagination. Lord knows that this wasn't the first time she thought she saw Nathan. Sometimes when she's out she'd spot someone who'd like him and be fooled. But this time it really was him.

Nathan was leaning against the wooden crib. He looked down at the sleeping baby and a small smile. Not bothering to glance to Haley, "She has your nose." He commented while studying the little baby's features and the strands of fine dark hair.

Hearing him speak finally brought her out of her daze. Nathan always carried himself with confidence and she saw that, even as he was hunched over the crib. His jeans were nice and fitted and the leather jacket hugged his torso, leaving no doubt that he still kept in tip top shape.

"Wh.. where's Lucas?"

"I thought he called you." Nathan finally glanced over to her. She wore a pair of skinny jeans and an oversized, flowy and loose top. He could tell she lost most of her pregnancy pounds but wore loose clothing to cover up left over pregnancy fat. Her hair was in a messy bun, she and her eyes a little darker, probably from lack of sleep but she still looked as beautiful as ever.

"He said he was going to call Brooke."

"She was busy and I was back home, I offered to watch her while Lucas helped Karen with some emergency at Tric."

"Oh." Haley shifted her feet. "Thanks for watching her while I was out." Haley stepped in closer and looked down at her new born who was still asleep. Nathan could almost feel her, she was so close.

"Has she been sleeping this whole time?"

"Yeah." He nodded. Nathan cleared his throat and took a step back. "I guess.. I … I should go."

The two stared at each other for seconds but for them like, minutes, hours, before Haley stepped aside to let him pass. He had one foot out the doorway when despite her better judgment, she called out his name.

Nathan tilted his head to look back at her.

"Would.. would you like a drink or something, coffee perhaps?" She twisted the fabric of her shirt into a tight knot.

Nathan knew he should he should leave and end this torture.

"That'd be nice." Nathan replied in a calm cool tone, which was the exact opposite of how he was the last time they spoke.

Haley took one last look at the sleeping baby and then grabbed the baby monitor. Nathan followed her downstairs to the kitchen and Nathan took a seat on one of the stools by the counter.

"I have coffee in here somewhere." Haley muttered as she opened some of the cupboards.

"I'd take a beer if you have one." Nathan replied. He could definitely use a little bit of liquid courage.

"Yeah, sure." Haley went to the fridge but as luck would have her, the six pack was all the way in the back on the upper most shelf. She strained to reach it but stopped tiptoeing when she felt Nathan come up from behind her, pressing his chest against her back as he grabbed the case for her.

Haley felt light headed and had to remind her self to breath. Nathan settled the case of beer on the counter top and twisted the bottle open. Haley reached out and grabbed one for herself.

Nathan looked at her curiously. "Aren't you breast feeding?"

"I have extra milk to last the day and besides, I could breast feed again after six hours." She took a much deserved swig.

"Why are you here?" She found herself asking as she placed the bottle on the counter top and looked into Nathan's perfect blue eyes.

"I… I guess I had to see it… her myself." Nathan admitted.

"I'm sorry I haven't called you.. I figured you wouldn't want to talk to me after…" Haley looked down and her voice trailed.

"Yeah." Nathan sighed. The last time they saw each other was a little over 9 months ago but for Nathan it felt like yesterday.

Haley said nothing but continued to look down.

"You're right of course but I still felt like the wind was knocked out of me when Lucas told me."

"Nathan, I know I've made mistakes and maybe not giving us a chance was one of them."

"Maybe?" He questioned, his face shocked. "You know I don't even think I even told my own mom I loved her." Nathan shook his head.

"You don't love me Nathan. Everyone was out of town for the summer but you were back home recovering from your injury. You didn't think you could make it back to the NBA and I." Haley took a deep breath. "I was getting over my mom's death. We were both hurting Nathan."

"That didn't mean my feelings weren't real." Nathan gritted. "Don't try to cheapen what we had."

"I'm not Nathan. In of my darkest times in my life, you were there for me. You helped me heal. I.. I could never thank you enough."

"But you were quick to dismiss me when everyone came back home."

"I had to get back to teaching. Your knee was rehabbed and you were going back to Seattle, we.. we had to go back to reality Nathan."

Nathan opened his mouth but words failed him. There would be no use anyway, it wouldn't change anything.

"I left because I thought there was no reason to stay!" Nathan shook his head. "Everyone came home and you acted like there wasn't anything between us.. like the summer we spent together was a sin."

"I.. I don't know what you want from me." Haley said softly, feeling her heart wrench, the same feeling she got the last time she saw him, the day she broke his heart and her's as well.

"Nothing." Nathan shook his head and the two stood there in awkward silence.

Nathan finally reached over and took another sip of his beer, trying his best to reign in his anger and frustrations. After all, there was no point. He had already lost.

"Madison is a nice name." Nathan said softly, back in his calm cool tone. "But I figured you'd name her after your mom."

Haley froze as she thought about the day when the doctor's asked what her name would be, the day she wanted to suggest Lydia but didn't.

"_What's your porn name?"_

"_Are you on crack?" Nathan asked. The two were sitting on beach towels, currently enjoying a day at the beach. The doctor said the soft sand would be good for Nathan to regain control of his legs after spending a couple of weeks on crutches._

"_It's this game Lucas and I used to play."_

"_Well you're with the better Scott now." _

"_Come on, it's fun. You take you're the name of your first pet and then you're mother's maiden name. Mine was Bunny Brigard."_

_Nathan playfully rolled his eyes._

"_Okay, I'm a dork, I admit it. You forget I tutored you in high school."_

"_Oh no, I remember. And I also remember that other dork you used to hang out with, that skateboard guy."_

"_His name is Chase, you know."_

"_My bad." Nathan feigned innocence. "How is Chad?"_

_Haley made a move to correct him but it would be no use. "Enjoying the air force, although it keeps him away but he's supposed to be back in Tree Hill at the end of summer."_

_Nathan didn't know why he had to bring him up. He had enough of him._

"_I also remember that ugly ass poncho you used to wear." Nathan added, wanting to change topics._

_Haley groaned, no one ever let her forget about _the poncho.

"_Okay, enough already, I already know how much you hated that poncho."_

_Nathan snickered._

"_Besides, my mother made it for me."_

"_Oh Hales, I'm so.."_

_Haley waived her hand dismissively. She missed her mom like crazy but being with Nathan calmed her in a way she never thought she possible. Sure, in high school he was cocky and arrogant and fast forward a few years later, he was still the same but there was always something to him. Underneath it all, Nathan was a good guy. She knew that then and she knew that now and she also knew that his chest was always this chiseled but she wasn't going to let him know that. _

"_It was no worse than those over sized baggy sweat pants and oversized hoodies you wore."_

"_Hey."_

"_Dude, you're from the burbs not the hood." She pointed out._

Nathan chuckled. Despite himself, she always made him laugh even back in high school when she scolded him for not paying attention during tutoring. It wasn't entirely his fault, he was a teenage boy and she sometimes wore some tight shirts. Nathan had to look away and not look at the plunging neckline of the v-shirt she was currently wearing and the bikini he knew she was wearing underneath.

There was always an ease when he was with Haley, even after their years apart. Sure most of their close friends were gone. Lucas was out on his book tour. Brooke was busy with her line in New York and Peyton was busy working in a record label in LA, but being back in Tree Hill and being with her, it was like no time had passed at all.

"_Okay, you got me but.." Nathan stopped when a small multi colored inflatable ball came bouncing over his lap. Suddenly, a young girl with light brown hair and blue eyes came running to them to get the ball. _

"_Oh I'm so sorry." The girl's mother came running after her daughter. _

"_It's not problem." Haley smiled and offered the ball back to the little girl who looked no more than 5 years old. _

"_What do you say to the nice lady?" The mother spoke to her daughter._

"_Thank you." The little girl smiled._

"_You're welcome." Haley smiled back._

"_Let's give this lovely couple some privacy."_

_Both Nathan and Haley opened their mouths to correct her but neither spoke and just looked away from each other._

"_Come on Lydia." The young mother took the young girl's hand and dragged her along._

_At the sound of the young girl's name, Haley stared at them and watched them go._

"_You okay?" Nathan asked as he saw he spacing out._

"_Yeah, that little girl… just made me think."_

"_Of what?"_

"_Mothers and daughters." Haley smiled. "One day for me, not now of course. But it'd be nice."_

"_Well, I'm here if you need practice." Nathan wiggled his eyes suggestively. Haley felt suddenly hot and blushed but playfully rolled her eyes at Nathan. _

"_I take it you never thought about having kids of your own one day?" Haley avoided the topic of sex and feigning ignorance at Nathan's flintiness. They were friends, nothing more, she kept repeating to herself. _

_Nathan paused and looked into Haley's brown eyes and he had an image of a little baby with those exact same eyes looking back at him. "Not really." He cleared his throat. _

"_Seriously?"_

"_Well maybe.." Nathan offered vaguely. " But my offer still stands, I can donate my services and give you a little boy or girl." Nathan teased, needing to lighten up the mood. "I'd even let you pick the name."_

"_Oh why thank you." Haley replied sarcastically and then after a second, she thought back to that little girl with the blue eyes. She looked into Nathan's cobalt blues. _

"_Well, for sure our daughter would be named Lydia, to honor my mom of course." Haley smiled._

_Nathan smiled back. "Of course."_

Nathan's heated gaze brought her back from the past.

"Cha.. Chase picked it out." At the sound of his name, Nathan stared at her, his jaws clenched.

"Nathan, like I said, I made a mistake by not giving us a chance but I love my daughter. She isn't a mistake."

"I know." Nathan quickly replied.

"And I love Chase .. I .. I do."

"Is that what you kept telling yourself when I begged you not to marry him!" Nathan said bitterly, thinking back to the last time he saw her. The day he lost her forever. Haley was taken aback but his outburst but she saw him take a deep breath and knew he regretted raising his voice to her.

"Did you ever love me?" Nathan needed to ask, his voice soft and.. desperate.

Haley opened her mouth to speak but words wouldn't come out. Deciding that he at least deserved the truth, she nodded.

He took one last gulp of his beer. He looked down at the empty bottle. "All gone." He said softly, almost sadly and placed the bottle back on the counter.

"I'm.. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I'm sorry too." Nathan replied and came up to her and brushed a stray strand of her behind her ears, the act never failed to leave her feeling weak in the knees.

"I see it in your eyes." Nathan said softly. "You still love me", the words coming off as a statement rather than a question. Haley made no move to neither correct nor deny the claim.

"I will always love you Haley." Nathan added, while he caressed her cheeks. He was so close now, all she needed to do was just tiptoe and capture those sweet lips.

"Why.. why are you telling me this?" Haley's voice crack.

"To let you know that a lifetime with _Chad_ could never compare with the past few minutes you've spent with _me_." Nathan dropped his hand from her face and took a step back. His touch made her whole body warm but his words left her feeling cold as ice. Haley's eyes were wide with shock. It was how he felt the last time they saw each other. The day Nathan begged her to not marry Chase, the day she broke his heart and in the process breaking hers. Nathan's words had haunted her to the point that she was seriously considered leaving Chase but then she found out she was pregnant and everything changed. She was gong to say something but the baby's cry could be heard over the baby monitor.

"If I have to go on the rest if my life suffering, it's only fair that you do as well, Mrs. Adams." Nathan added and with that, he gave her one last look and walked away.

Haley stood there frozen as her own tears began to prick her eyes and she clutched her chest as if she couldn't breath. She thought of Nathan's parting words, echoing in her head. No doubt it would haunt her, follow her. For he was right of course and suffered she did.

The End.


End file.
